STRESS
I was planning on doing some (fairly) extensive research at the DHR Resource Department this week regarding foster parent application as well as look over the policy regarding fostering. BUT, with the week I have had here at the lovely DHR, I have not had a chance to do anything except try to keep my sanity!! It has been that bad, I even have started to develop a knot in my shoulder (this only comes around when I am under stressed). I guess I carry my stress on my shoulders, oh well. I am not worried about my self, it is the children. I just feel so bad for them, I feel helpless. I want them to know everything is going to be okay, but I know that they do not fell that way, and so what else can one do or say. When I started at DHR during one of our many trainings, we went on an imaginary journey. We were instructed to close our eyes, we were taken from our home, we could only bring a couple of belongings, and then brought to a new home where you knew nobody. This was supposed to be a representation of what children feel like when they are taken from their home. I did not sign up for this job to take children from their homes. I always say “I do not take kids, I take care of them”. BUT, unfortunately sometimes, I have to take them. This is never a fun experience, my feeling get to involved, but I always have to keep telling myself this is in the best interest of the child. It may not seem like it now, but it will get better for the child. Sorry, I had to vent a little this week. This incident does involve foster parents, heterosexual foster parents. As I read a couple of the post, I do not think there is such a thing as the perfect parent or foster parent. We are all human and are going to make mistakes, this is a part of life. So, I believe that having gay or lesbian foster parents would not be an issue because of the love that is being provided. I think that they would provide so much more than minimum standards, because they would want to prove that they are just as good as heterosexuals. Heterosexual foster parents do not even have to try because the ball has been dropped so low. The need for foster parents is so great that we are not even looking at what is in the best interest of a child, we are just looking for a place for them to go. I hope I can find one gay or lesbian couple in our community to come to DHR and foster or adopt. Sorry about this blog, it is kind of intense. I will be back next week in full stride (hopefully). I think that everyoneis having some issues, and I hope everybody gets better and has a good week!!!
4 comments:
Stress can be a big problem. It can bring about health issues. It was said that relocation always bring about some form of stress. Especially when you are in a strange environment and don't know anyone. I hope that you feel better.
What a great blog? I was feeling your pain and glad I read it today. I had a super stressful week at work just from being busy, not from the kind of stress you had as you described wanting more for the children you are trying to place in a safe home. I got from this that my problems are minimal when you think about the problems a child must be having being uprooted from their home and family and placed in foster care. Sometimes when I am stressed I try to remember the positive things in my life and concentrate on solutions; easier said then done. I recently went to a seminar on treating children who have been molested and the seminar leader advised that when you are feeling stressed and unhappy, you should journal under 'I am happy that...' She said to list everything from I am happy I have two legs and two arms to I am happy I have a mom and dad and a job and a dog, etc. I have done this a couple of times and it really makes you feel better. But back on the subject of your blog; I think gays and lesbians would make excellent foster parents and parents in general. I do think that they would try harder and I also think that they would know they are being more closely watched and when you are being watched closely you tend to be on your best behavior. It is also true that homosexuals have more disposable income than straight persons. The absence of birth children is a contributor to their increase in disposable income. This disposable income could be spent on the welfare of a child. I think also that a gay man or woman could identify with what a child is going through in foster care as often gays have to deal with being excluded and they tend to develop compassion for people who are suffering.
Ah, the subject of stress! Why do I feel like I know it so well? That's because I do. I don't know about anyone else, but I have been stressed it seems like most of my life. I know that research says that there is two types of stress; eustress(good stress)and distress(bad stress). Really what's the difference? I wanted to respond to your post because I wanted to let you know that I feel your pain. Having to do something that you may not want to do, even if it is the right, thing, can be very stressful. I want to encourage you to stay the course and things will be okay. It hard having so many things going on at the same time; work, school, family, friends, church. I always have to remind myself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that once I get there then it will have been worth what I am currently going through. I am reminded of a verse in the Bible that says that weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. So, stay encouraged and remember that your morning is fast approaching.
Stress
What is the stress of a child who is taken from a home to be taken care of? Stress experienced by the DHR worker, stress experienced by the child who is removed from a home due to safety reasons, and stress of the family members who experience loosing a child? Stress is underestimated within the social service industry of working with families, children, and children of abuse and neglect. The protocols and procedures that must be followed, and the numerous intake calls of abuse and neglect from all DHR counties within the United States are astronomical. The stress of being held accountable for placing children in safe homes, finding placements for them, and having the best interest of the child at heart should be the most important thing. The level of knowledge and research required to inform oneself of the availability of safe placements within a county of a DHR is done by networking, and the level of advertisement and marketing within a DHR to find foster parents is not something that I have been involved with to market the need for safer homes within counties and communities. It is imperative with the ever increasing statistics that are abused and neglected on a daily basis as well as women within homes who seek shelter due to abuse or have an unplanned pregnancy and seek adoption as the best option for her child.
In response to your blog imagining what it would be like for a child to leave a home that it always knew, and did not understand the capacity of the reasoning behind why he/she should be removed from a home puts stress on a child in addition to the emotional wounds that the child has obtained as the purpose for being removed. Depending on the age of the child the level of stress would be and can be different.
Placing a child within a foster home and imagining what that must feel like or what the level of stress would be for that child, and realize and have the best interest of the child at heart while understanding the stress involved by removing the child from a home or many homes or waiting to be adopted into a family of love. A family of love through foster homes, through adoption, and/or through extended family member as the first option as the next of kin to the infant, child, or adolescent.
Agreeing with the part of your blog that there is no perfect parent, family, or home, yet safe homes can still be found. There are many safe homes and there are still many placement agencies that are safe. That is where the stress comes into play for a DHR worker being held accountable for placing an infant, child, or adolescent within a safe home or safe agency. Safe placements require extensive research and safety of a child should be the most important as well as meeting the needs of the infant, child, or adolescent by understanding what has gone on in that child’s life to accommodate their needs through placement whether through a home or agency and not just seen as another placement to work a case load.
The topic of stress and the safety of children should be the most important concern of not only DHR employees but a community and a nation as a whole. Infants, children, and adolescents will run the country someday. It is our responsibility as citizens to ensure the safety of infants, children, and adolescents. The question of whether or not children should be placed in a heterosexual household or a non heterosexual household is not something that has resurfaced, but a question to many different circles. The question is how many children how been abused in heterosexual homes and how many children have been abused in non-heterosexual homes. By making sure children are safe it helps in eliminating the level of stress in their lives stemmed from the removal of unsafe environments.
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